This month marks our one year anniversary of TTC (trying to conceive). It is certainly not a month for celebration, but rather one that makes us a bit sad. I can clearly remember the excitement of the summer and fall of 09. We bought all the books, we had all the long talks, and we thought of all the ways we could tell our family the news. We were thrilled with the idea of being parents. Now, one year later we realize we are still not parents. We are still not pregnant. We are still a few months out from even trying again.
Our forced break officially started on Monday and it has been a week of many emotions. Since February of this year we have been going full speed, never having time to sort out what was actually happening. We just dealt with everything as it came and infertility quickly became a part of our every day life. I can remember constantly thinking, "I just want everything to be back to normal," but over time we had to buy into the fact that infertility is our normal and just accept that trips to Dr. Russell are just as common as our morning cup of coffee. "Normal" was the innocence of last October.
This week has forced me to, yet again, reevaluate my normal. I know I have to leave infertility behind for a few months, and that is easier said then done for me. Eric said to me, "Lauren, infertility does not define who you are." I know this is true, but I always assumed that once infertility ended "mom" would define me.
On the other hand, I could not ask for a better time to be on a break. We can have time to enjoy our anniversary, the holidays, and it will be glorious to not worry about everything that goes along with IF.
So, after my novel this brings me to the latest news. We met with Dr. Russell this morning and it was a great appointment. He was very pleased with my latest cycle (even though it ended in ectopic) and recommended we do a frozen embryo transfer (FET) in January with our snow babies. We are already excited to have a plan in place and something to look forward to! It will be here before we know it and I'm sure time will go by faster than we expect.
Yes it is sad and I was hoping so so so much
ReplyDeletefor you two to be parents by now and for Linda
and I to be the best grandmothers, and Georgie
the best grandfather ever, but this was not meant to be YET. It will happen and if you have
to have a break this is your favorite time of
year ever to have it. This time of year just goes by so fast with all the Holidays so enjoy your last quiet, calm Holidays before those babies start coming!!! Love Ya both so much - Mom
I know how tricky that line can be with letting anything, but especially IF define us. It can be so encompassing. We have to put so much effort into not forgetting that we are so much more (wife, sibling, friend, professional etc..) and not our IF. I hope your break will give you time to re-find who you are. ((hugs))
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