fear

Today the coordinator told me she did not see anything in my uterus while doing the ultrasound :( this means that my pregnancy is somewhere else... most likely in my tubes, but they could not find it. Today was the first day in all my time going to the doctor that I started crying while they were doing the ultrasound. I was happy to be surrounded by such kind women - the ultrasound tech, the coordinator, and a nurse who has gone through this whole journey with me. I was holding onto hope, but now I'm just fearful of the next steps. The coordinator said after she talks everything over with Dr. Russell she will let me know the exact next steps. Most likely I will have to get a pretty heavy duty shot to terminate the pregnancy. I just went to get additional BW on my liver bc apparently this shot can cause liver damage? Not looking forward to this experience. If the shot does not work then I will need surgery to remove the little peanut. Aaaand the other downside to all of this is moving forward is pretty far off. I know that it may be 3-6 months before I can do another IVF cycle after all of this. Today I feel weak, sad, and fearful.