I woke up this morning at 3am and couldn't fall back to sleep because I was so excited to get my results. I had very high hopes for my little peanut. I wish I could say that I got the phone call and all of my hopes and dreams were answered, but they weren't. My hcg only went up to 40. This could mean a few things - an abnormal embryo is developing and will eventually die off, I am having a tubal pregnancy which may have to be surgically removed, or by some slim chance of a miracle the embryo is just growing slowly and may turn into a viable pregnancy (this is very unlikely). So, now I go in on Friday to meet with Dr. Russell and get an US to determine exactly what is going on. My coordinator told me to remain on all my meds just in case it turns into a viable pregnancy... ugh. Can it just be over? I'm so sad my little peanuts didn't make it, but this is the most drug out negative pregnancy test. I just want to move on because I know our second time will be a success.
Although I am so sad I will have to say I loved being pregnant even if it was just for a few days. I will miss you my little peanuts.
Thank you to everyone for being so supportive. It is your support that gives me strength on days like today. I'm so incredibly lucky to have amazing family, friends, and all the IF ladies on the The Bump.
Well, that wasn't quite the news that we all were hoping for; however, my support and positive vibes will not subside....Your time will come and I have not one doubt in my mind about that!! I'm not going to just say sorry, so I found it more appropriate to share a few quotes:
ReplyDelete"Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there semed to be no hope at all."
"Patience and perseverance have a magical effect before which difficulties disappear and obstacles vanish."
”Hope is a renewable option: If you run out of it at the end of the day, you get to start over in the morning.”
"Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should."
"One of the secrets of life is to make stepping stones out of stumbling blocks."
"Don't be discouraged. It's often the last key in the bunch that opens the lock. "
Love you and am here for you xoxoxo
Well, on to round 2. I'm not sure I was a big fan of that peanut anyway. He was taking too long and dragging it out which was messing with my sis. Too bad the next one will be a girl...damn it. I guess I can still hold out hope for one of each.
ReplyDeleteNo really guys, it's a speed bump in a journey that will end with happiness. You just got to keep believing and remain super positive like you both have been. I know I am! Keep your head up because great things happen to great people and last time I checked you and E were just promoted from good to great with potential for amazing. However, amazing is triplets and that may be a bit nuts!
Question…I did some research and for some reason the first try is typically unsuccessful. Is this true Laur and do you know why? I also read the success rate jumps up a bit the second time. If it is true not only are vibes and luck in your favor but statistics as well!
Stay strong. Love you both.
I am so sorry you are having to deal with all this :( Please know I am continuing to keep you in my thoughts & prayers!
ReplyDeleteBig hugs,
Heather
Thank you everyone <3
ReplyDeleteRy- you are correct in that the success rate for the first time is lower. I'm not really sure why... I would guess it has to do with how your body responds to all the meds as everyone has different treatment protocols. Then, after your first try you can learn from all the mistakes and have a better chance for success for the second round. I really believe it will happen for us the 2nd time. I responded great to everything and we were so close.
Heather- I am positive we will both have babies in our bellies by Christmas.
Beck-I love the quotes :)
ReplyDelete